Sorry I haven't written in the last couple of days. My energy level extended as far as getting a walk in here and there and going to appointments. I'm very tired and confused at times. It took about six tries to remember my password for this blog. But the good news is, the nausea is gone until Wednesday when I start a second dose of chemo treatment.
Yesterday one of my doctor's asked, "So how are the demons?" Now, these aren't the warewolves. Those come a callin' at night when you can't sleep and mostly howl. The demons are around when you do sleep and they tell you terrible things all day long. They are very, very mean and evil. The doctor said it was a side effect of the anti-nausea medicine and should wear off. You wouldn't believe the shit they tell me. Bad. Very bad. They should be ashamed. My life is a little like that movie Jacob's Ladder where you can't tell what's real and not and all the while these demons are fucking with you. Plus, the guy barely gets out of bed which is pretty appropriate. But the demons are starting to wear off.
I remember having a little dose of them the first time I had this cancer thing. I realized I shouldn't listen to them when David and I were having a heated discussion about who was the better QB: Payton Manning or Tom Brady. I was on Brady's side. David doesn't like anything about Tom Brady ever since Brady was at Michigan annually spanking his beloved Fighting Irish. The demons were telling me weird shit then and I knew it was time to get off all nausea medicine. From that point forward, I took Tylenol and puked a lot. Better than to stab David with a salad fork.
This time it won't be so easy but they're giving me options. The doctor says when the demons get too loud, we can switch meds. Then she laughed. She wouldn't have laughed if she knew what the demons were telling me to do to her at the time.
I'm almost through my first chemo treatment. Compared to ABVD (my first chemo treatment), ICE is more intense. I prefer it only because the nausea doesn't last as long. ICE sounds better too. Like ICE Man in Top Gun. Of course, it was pretty debilitating. With ABVD, I went to work. With ICE, I can barely get to the bathroom.
I look back at my first week under chemo and wonder if I can get through it again. I got three more of these and then a third of "high dose" chemo. That's when they really fuck you up. Plus, the doctors keep saying I got an easy dose. An easy dose? Man, I couldn't get out of my bed for three days. What's a hard dose?
My hair is changing. I already shaved it off but my body hair is starting to get that gross chemo texture to it. It could use a good some Fructis, ya know, the total hair solution? Sort of brittle now. Only a matter of times before I am browless.
Thanks once again for all the encouragement from everyone. It really helps.
I'm enclosing a picture of the Ice Man because, well, Top Gun is such a classic. "Hard deck, my ass, we nailed that sucker."
I don't know where the troops are and what they've destroyed in my body. But I have every confidence in the fighting men and women of ICE and trust their leadership. I once read a George Orwell book about the Spanish Civil War. In it he said that war is essentially a series of really boring events in between random horrible events. That's the only thing I learned from that book. So I figured the troops are taking their rest and will begin fighting anew next week.