Tuesday, January 27, 2009


As I'm heading into the Heart of Darkness, there are literally hundreds of people who have helped my family and me. I can't thank all of them. But chances are, if you're reading this, you've helped in some way. The hard part is next followed by the part that sucks and is harder, followed by the part that really sucks and is harder. Thanks to everyone for every word. Now the work begins. 


  1. I've noticed that up to this point Michael is essentially writing a monologue. While he is more than capable of being entertaining on his own,he shouldn't have to be.

    In an effort to imagine what Michael will be going through, I tried to recall the 120 crappiest days of my life and think about what it would be like if they were all strung together. What was interesting was that a few of those 120 days directly followed nights I spent with Michael in various Madison establishments. The thing that a hangover has over chemo is that it only lasts a day and it typically it is punishment for a really good time the night before.

    Anyone who has known Michael for any length of time has had the opportunity to be entertained by his sense of humor. It is now time to repay at least a portion of that debt. Despite what lies ahead, I am certain there will be moments when Michael can be distracted and maybe even entertained. It is up to us to provide those moments to the best of our ability. Whether it's retelling a past experience that involves Michael or is simply some humorous observation from your everyday life, post it here and let's see if we can if we can keep his mind off things for a little while each day. My own experience with Michael is that his level of sophistication is that penis jokes will always be funny here while fart jokes not so much.

    For those who do not know me, my name is Todd and I am one Michael's roommates from college and his friend ever since. I hope to be the one to buy him a beer when all of this is done. Before anyone asks, yes I cleared the posting of comments here with Michael.

  2. I'm not so sure this isn't all a ploy for Michael to spend the coldest months of the year in Houston. Brilliant! Bravo.


    Guy walks into the dentist office with a bad toothache. The dentist sits him down in the chair and plucks out the tooth. The guy howls in pain.

    "That'll be $450." Says the dentist.

    "$450!?! For ten seconds worth of work?!?" Replies the guy.

    Dentist says "If you'd like, I can make it last longer next time."

    Anyway, stay tough. Keep fighting. Listen to your instincts - if they're still telling you to harm Mario Lopez, you are indeed of sound mind.

  3. I concur with Todd. Michael - if this doesn't make you smile I have nothing else.

    Here's the only joke that I will ever tell because I just can't seem to remember any others:

    One day a little boy strolls past a whorehouse on his walk to school. On the front porch is a woman sitting in a rocking chair. She smiles and says "Hello Little Boy".

    As she speaks, her protruding pinky bends back and forth towards him, as if the words were coming out of the finger instead of her mouth. [Like the kid in the movie "The Shining" = REDRUM!]

    Thinking this is quite strange, he doesn't say a word and runs to school a little freaked out. He thinks this whore must be practicing to be a ventriloquist for her side job.

    Every morning as he walks by she smiles, says "Hello Little Boy" while moving her pinky as she speaks. The boy ignores her and simply continues on his way.

    Two weeks go by and, like clockwork, every morning the whore greets him the same strange way.

    One morning he had enough. As he was walking past, sure enough she's there saying "Hello Little Boy". He stops and asks "Why do you always wiggle your pinky at me like that?"

    She replies "Well, since you're just a little boy, you probably have a very little penis about this size" holding up her pinky.

    "Oh, OK ... I see" he replies and calmly walks away.

    The next morning her wiggling pinky once again says "Hello Little Boy".

    He puts one finger in each side of his mouth and pulls hard in opposite directions, stretching his mouth as wide as he can.

    Looking like a fish caught by two hooks, he replies "Hello Lady."

  4. I love this idea. Unfortunately I'm lame when it comes to remembering jokes and the best Vince could do was something about a Pirate at a bar with a steering wheel in his pants that was "driving me nuts"...I'll abstain until I have something better to share. Stay tuned...

  5. So as I was laying in bed last night, unable to sleep and thinking that Michael was probably doing the same in lovely Houston, I tried to think of other ways to share in his ordeal. I didn't really come up with anything original, but it did occur to me that because chemo causes hair loss, a lot of people show their solidarity by going to the bald look also. So I got up this morning, found a fresh razor and shaving cream and a few uncomfortable minutes later, voila, I was sporting a new look. At least my balls were. You see, it's cold outside and frankly the hair on my head will be abandoning ship on its own without my help. It's a different feel, but I think well worth the sacrifice for my friend. Speaking of the different feel, I've sort of gotten sidetracked with experiencing it over and over and over to the point that I have ignored such mundane aspects of my life as working. Ladies, I would be remiss if I didn't ask you to join me in this show of support for our friend. So when you get home tonight pull out those razors and do what needs to be done. Send Michael picture. (Michael feel free to forward all photos to me).

    Michael, we are now one my brother.

  6. I do not know Michael as well as the rest of you, but I do know he has a great sense of humor and despite the success of his "ICE" treatment, I'm a firm believer that laughter really is the best medicine. With that in mind, I present to him...the best joke I've ever heard. It's about Jesus. I hope it doesn't offend anyone (I'm Catholic), but I'm guessing from the comments I've read so far on this blog that offending someone won't be an issue. Besides, God created humor didn't he? And blasphemy is really just a matter of perspective.

    Oh, and you better sit down...it's a long one.

    So, Jesus and Moses are up in heaven shootin' the crap when Jesus says, "I'm really bored. We've been up here forever and I need something to break the monotony." To which Moses replies, "I hear ya, brother. What if we pop down to earth and see what's happening? You know, take a tour of the old haunts." Jesus is all in.

    So they do the transfiguring thing into human form and appear back on earth--just like Star Trek. After a great deal of wandering and sight-seeing, they find themselves on the shores of the Red Sea. As they're looking out over the surf, Jesus says, "Hey, isn't this where you did that thing during the Exodus?" Moses, looking thoughtfully out at the water, says, "Yes. I parted the sea to free my people." Jesus is intrigued and says, "You know, I wasn't around then and I'd sure like to see it. Why don't you give it another try." But Moses declines, not wanting to call attention to himself or, still worse, fail. Undeterred, Jesus continues to prod him. Finally, Moses relents and steps to edge of the water. Pushing up his sleeves, raising his arms in the air and looking toward the heavens, he lets out a mighty, "PART, SEA!!" Just then, the sea begins to bubble and boil and in a matter of just minutes, there is a fifty foot wide path from one shore to the other with a giant wall of water on either side. Jesus is flabbergasted. "Whoa, dude...that's simply amazing." Smiling from ear to ear, Moses drops his arms and the sea comes crashing back to it's original form. He is quite proud and even takes a brief bow as Jesus applauds.

    Now they continue on their journey and, before too long, find themselves at the Sea of Galilee. Moses, recalling an old memory, turns to Jesus and says, "Isn't this where you pulled that famous stunt with your disciples in the boat?" Jesus nods, hangs his head and kicks at some sand in a bashful and modest way saying, "Yes. This is where I walked on the water." Now Moses is intrigued. "I think you should show me how you did it, you know, for old times sake. I barely remember the first time." Jesus is reluctant, but finally gives in. He kicks off his sandals, hikes up his robe a bit and begins to walk out on the water. Everything is going fine for the first 30 feet or so when suddenly he begins to sink. First the water is at his ankles, then his shins, then finally he's standing in thigh-high water and his robe is soaked. He trudges out of the water dismayed and confused. Moses senses his frustration and coerces him to try again. "So you're rusty...so what. Give it another go." So Jesus does, but this time he only gets about 20 feet out before beginning the same slow decent into the water. Having had enough, Jesus slogs out of the water and says, "That's it. Let's move on." But Moses won't budge and he convinces Jesus to give it a third try. Unfortunately, that produces even less impressive results. Jesus comes out of the water clearly perplexed and says, "I just don't get it. Why can you still do your miracles, but I can't do mine?" Just then Moses' eyes light up and he takes a step back. Stroking his beard in deep thought and staring intently at the ground where Jesus stands, Moses says, "Tell me something, the last time you did this...did you have those holes in your feet?"