Thursday, January 29, 2009

Oh, the horror.

At 10:50 pm on Wednesday, the first sorties of something called ICE swooped down on Michael's body signifying the beginning of hostilities between two mortal enemies. 

Although details are still sketchy, there are reports that many cancer cells were killed in the first night alone.  The bloodbath continued early into the second day as hundreds of cancers went running for cover only to find death, destruction, sheer terror and chaos. No cell was spared. Yes, even baby cancer cells met a violent and destructive end. 

There are no reports from the cancer cells. The government has made no official comment. Their state run TV was showing a cooking show when last checked. The cancer cell Minister of Evil has not been seen out in public for a week, although there has long been rumors that he has a body double that often goes to mall openings.

On the other side, rumors abound that Michael is looking for an aircraft carrier to make his Mission Accomplished speech. This, of course, would be even more premature than the first Mission Accomplished speech. Plus, he doesn't know how to fly an F-16. 

Realistically, indicators look like Michael will make an offensive every other week for the next month and then see what has been gained. "We will not sleep until all those suckers are dead. Of course, we will also not sleep because the drugs keep us up all night," a defense department spokesman said. "But we are bound and determined to watch every late night episode of Charles in Charge if it comes to that. And I hope you know that Saved By The Bell is still on...Everybody loved Screech but Mr. Belding had better timing."

If many cancer cells have met their evil end, then the next step of cell transplantation begins. That's more complicated and a whole other article. But it all starts with the death of as many cancerous beings as possible now. 

We've enclosed an image of Mr. Belding because we thought it was much nicer than showing the killing fields of Michael's insides.



  1. I believe I mentioned in my last post that I couldn't sleep. So here I am in the middle of the night reading Micahel's latest dispatch. It's much like a recent U.S. war upon some weak sister country and I find myself wanting to wake my wife up and say, "Honey, you have to see us kicking the crap of out whoever, does it not turn you on to no end and make you want to do warm, wet things to me?"

    Some of you may say that I am shallow for such selfish and horny thoughts, but I know that Michael is all in favor of sex wherever it may be had. So ladies, show your solidarity and have sex with your man, tonight, tomorrow night and so on and so on and on.......

  2. In step with Todd's call to action, I think we need additional test samples to verify if this scenario might actually lead to increased sexual encounters. A random sample of one is not enough; we need for each and every one of us to try this to establish an accurate standard deviation. For the sake of science, I will sacrifice myself and my wife's sleep to see if this experiment yields a successful outcome. Stay tuned, don't change that ... webpage? Let the boning efforts now commence!

  3. Interesting diversions sorted by primary neural stimulus.