Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Next Wave of Violence

We're here, somewhere inside Michael's vast and rapidly expanding mid-section, whoops, watch out for that Zagut bar, where Michael's Really Black Ops Chemo Squad is attempting to recapture Michael's sternum. The fighting is fierce as the People's Democratic Republic of Cancer's elite Republican Blacker and More Sinister Ops will not give an inch. Hand to hand combat has been rumored but that rumor was quickly squashed as someone pointed out that cells don't have hands. Also, fires have started everywhere. Or is that the chicken tortilla soup? 

Asked for a comment, Michael only said, "Go away. I got gut-wrench from that Zagnut bar." Further word is still pending.

From unnamed sources, we have learned that this is the end of a two month assault in what has become a fierce struggle for Cancer Independence. Leading our forces is the recently installed Bea Arthur. From a press release about General Arthur, Michael said, "I was looking for the toughest man in the world. And I found him in Bea. Nobody messed with Maude, not even that emasculated husband of hers." We were not able to get a quote from General Arthur. We were too scared.

The fighting is expected to last for two weeks at which time doctors will assess the carnage. 
Enclosed is picture of General Bea Arthur, in her full regalia and in action as she is about to tear apart Dr. Harmon, the stuffy next-door neighbor. 


  1. I think I preferred the picture of Pedro.

    In terms of finding generals to lead the war, may I suggest the following in no particular order: Bob Knight; General Mills; General Electric; General Motors; General Hospital; Surgeon General Steven Galson; Attorney General Lisa Madigan; or anyone or anything else that will prevent you from posting another photo of Bea Arthur - unless she's naked.

  2. Ick! Ick! Don't even think about posting a naked Bea Arthur. A naked anything else would be better. As Moon Unit Zappa would say "Grody to the max."

  3. I think you need a new general.