Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Am I OK?

That's a good question. I don't really know. I had my tests today. Tomorrow I meet with Dr. O to discuss the results and the next steps. 

I always thought that the way most people die of cancer is from the cancer. But not with this. The way most people go is actually from the treatment. Eventually the body just says, "No mas" and people end up dying from pnuemonia or some other disease. That's when you hear that this person died of "cancer-related difficulties". 

It's very understandable. The rest of my life I will have poison in my body on almost a daily basis. That's putting any body through quite a work out. One look in the mirror and the miles are starting to show. I already look like Kris Kristoferson. When my wife and I go out to lunch on occasion, I tell the waitress that she's my daughter. The waitress doesn't laugh.

Tomorrow I will be facing a bit of a catch 22 situation. If the tests are good, I stay on the drug. That means I continue to fight through every day finding minutes that ignore the feelings of nausea, pain and fatigue. If the tests are bad, I go off the trial and begin three weeks where I have to stay off of any chemo drug, in which case I will feel the effects of the cancer in my body. This is called the "wash out" period where I need to fully wash all traces of the treatment out of my body before I can start a new trial. It's tricky because you hope the cancer doesn't grow too much and pray that your body doesn't one day say "no mas". 

One note. A while back someone who once had cancer warned me of not being too heavy on this blog because it's not really helping anyone and in fact, it can have the opposite effect of really bumming a lot of good-hearted people out. You folks out there want to help but there's nothing you can do. So instead of whining on this every day I decided not to write anything at all. But many of you didn't like that situation. So I'm back and yes I will whine on occasion. I do think it's helpful to you in one respect. The next time one of your loved ones comes down with this nasty disease, you'll have a good understanding of what they're going through. And if you're tired of the whining, then don't read. Do something else. Sarah Palin is now on Fox News. That'll get you laughing again.


  1. It's great to hear from you again, Michael. Keep doing what you're doing and fight on. This week I just found out someone in my immediate family has probably just come down with the disease. Results come back in a few days. All we can do is pray and keep on truckin the best we can. Wish I could come to visit and take you out to lunch somewhere. Food down here is so much worse; the best pizza joint in South Carolina is Papa Johns. How much I miss Giordano's and Rosati's. If possible, have yourself a good Beef'n'Cheddar croissant from Portillo's for me. Talk to you soon my friend.

  2. Michael, hang in there and glad you posted. Kathy and I have been wondering how you were doing. The Whataburgers and the Taco Cabanas miss your business down here.

  3. I like when you write. It makes me laugh and it makes me cry. Both are good things in my book. It's just good to hear from you. Keep it up - just for me.

  4.'s a catharsis when you write, for you and your followers! Good to hear from you again, I am praying for good news today from Dr. O. Whine all you want.....curse, sing, dance, sulk, whatever....we all do it and in case you'd forgotten, you are still one of "us" and we are you....all in this together for all of mankind in need of hope, prayers, a good bm and belly laugh every day!!!

  5. Michael,
    Happy New Year!!!!!! and I really do mean that at it's most base sense. I hope that you enjoy every moment of this new year and every moment of this new decade for that matter. God Bless You for sharing some of the the most intimate thoughts, feelings and emotions that any person could share. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to comprehend what is going on in your life and helping us understand the monster that you have been fighting. In return for your honesty and candor I hope that we collectively have given back humor, understanding and much needed distraction. All who know you are immediately "glamoured" (don't hate me for using True Blood speak) by your sly smile, cat-that-ate-the-canary grin and your affectious laugh that usually follows some description or story of the absurd in your profession or everyday life. We read what you write because we really care, we want to help (even if it's just a joke or story) and we collectively believe that there is always HOPE!