I always thought that the way most people die of cancer is from the cancer. But not with this. The way most people go is actually from the treatment. Eventually the body just says, "No mas" and people end up dying from pnuemonia or some other disease. That's when you hear that this person died of "cancer-related difficulties".
It's very understandable. The rest of my life I will have poison in my body on almost a daily basis. That's putting any body through quite a work out. One look in the mirror and the miles are starting to show. I already look like Kris Kristoferson. When my wife and I go out to lunch on occasion, I tell the waitress that she's my daughter. The waitress doesn't laugh.
Tomorrow I will be facing a bit of a catch 22 situation. If the tests are good, I stay on the drug. That means I continue to fight through every day finding minutes that ignore the feelings of nausea, pain and fatigue. If the tests are bad, I go off the trial and begin three weeks where I have to stay off of any chemo drug, in which case I will feel the effects of the cancer in my body. This is called the "wash out" period where I need to fully wash all traces of the treatment out of my body before I can start a new trial. It's tricky because you hope the cancer doesn't grow too much and pray that your body doesn't one day say "no mas".
One note. A while back someone who once had cancer warned me of not being too heavy on this blog because it's not really helping anyone and in fact, it can have the opposite effect of really bumming a lot of good-hearted people out. You folks out there want to help but there's nothing you can do. So instead of whining on this every day I decided not to write anything at all. But many of you didn't like that situation. So I'm back and yes I will whine on occasion. I do think it's helpful to you in one respect. The next time one of your loved ones comes down with this nasty disease, you'll have a good understanding of what they're going through. And if you're tired of the whining, then don't read. Do something else. Sarah Palin is now on Fox News. That'll get you laughing again.