Monday, October 19, 2009

The most naive post I ever wrote

I go in for two tests tomorrow. The doc bets the Monster is back. As Marge said in the movie Fargo, "I'm going to have to disagree with your police work there Lou." Now in doing this I am exposing myself as yet another in a long line of eternally optimistic cancer patients. Some may even say naive. And I will feel embarrassed if this does come to pass and the Monster shows up. But I have my reasons to be more optimistic than my doc. 

In fact, I'm less worried about the node in my neck than about any other node in my body, even though we're doing the tests to see about the node in my neck. Why? Well, it was something that someone in my online Hodge message board brought up. I sent in a message asking for moral support after my ill-fated trip to the doc. Support came poring in. Then one fella left this one simple sentence message saying that the doc could be wrong. It could be scar tissue. 

And well, he's right. It could be scar tissue. That explains a lot. The node is bigger, shaped oddly and is as hard as a marble, just like a cancerous node. But it hasn't really grown much in a month. Last time I relapsed, in one month I went from two tiny nodes to a 10 cm ball in my chest. 

Also, most relapses aren't so nice. Usually, people get sick. They run a temp, get itchy all over and have rashes. I got sick a couple of weeks ago but that was just the usual sick. Since then, I've felt great. I mean, I'm feeling how you normal people feel and I'm really loving it. Man you normal people have it good. 

And then there's the Herlehy Scan. Yes, I made up my own test. It involves alcohol (go figure) but it does have some science behind it. Ya see, the Hodge is the only type of cancer that has a violent reaction to alcohol. Within the first couple of sips you will get sharp pains in the cancerous area. That was the clincher the last time I relapsed. On New Year's Eve, I knew the Monster had come for me and I went into the hospital the next day. 

This time I've had a couple of beers here two different times with the express purpose of seeing how and where I'd react. And no reaction in my neck. Nothing. The Herlehy Scan came up negative in the neck area. 

Of course, the Herlehy Scan came up positive on my right side. And that's why I'm more worried about other areas of my body. I have to score a 100% here. More than Ace these two tests. I don't think I've ever scored 100% on two tests. Anyone who's known me in high school or college would agree that it's a mighty high bar for me. 

So there it is. My pre-scan naive optimism complete with rationale. By doing this, I set myself up for a bigger fall if it doesn't turn out like I expected. 

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