Monday, March 9, 2009

Generals fired. New team in place.

In a move that was expected by many, Michael Herlehy fired his leading Generals today. Making this announcement outside his palatial estate in Bartlett, Mr. Herlehy said, "I regret to inform you that this morning, over a bowl of Lucky Charms, I asked my top Generals to step down from their positions of leading my armies against the evil-doer cancer cells. They have served my body well but unfortunately we weren't able to see the progress we desired. I want our people to give 110%. Apparently they were only giving 20%."

Mr. Herlehy went on to draw solace from President Lincoln, who had to go through many generals until he found one that fights. He said, "I will have no Joe Hookers in my mediastinum" referring to a failed Civil War general who's headquarters was once described as "part bar room and part brothel". 

Sources close to the situation said that this was just a matter of time. "ICE was like Shock and Awe but the only thing that was shocked and awed was Michael as he wondered if he could live through firey nights and days of extreme fatigue," said a source close to the situation, probably in the pelvic area. 

Replacing the old guard are three generals code-named "G" "N" and "D". Their identities are not fully revealed because of security reasons. Not a lot is known of them at this time other than to say that they are bad motha toxins who love to kill, maim and destroy cancer cells. 
"My new team is already in place and ready to do battle quickly. Don't get me wrong here. I am more committed than ever to seeing cancer cells die in a tragic, violent and horrific way. In fact, I'm all for a mass murder of cancer cells. Severed membranes everywhere would be fun!"
Mr. Herlehy did not have any other information at this time only saying, "Now, if you will excuse me. I have to play Dance Dance Revolution with my daughter. I'm trying to get a C to that Michael Jackson song."

Attached to this article is a picture of "Fighting" Joe Hooker. He didn't earn the nickname "Fighting" because he was good at it. It was a clerical error. 


  1. Any chance GND is related to Sergeant Hulka? Although he got blown up ("Blown up Sir!"), he was one tough mofo with a big toe. Put your game face on and kick some C-booty! You, dancing to MJ? Yet another talent I never knew you had.

    Me? I've got stone feet; no dancing for me. I'm the gawking type who stands along the side, beer in hand, making comments like "Why would a girl as fine as she is hang with a guy like that?" But I do remember a certain night at The Alumni Club in Schaumburg for Rossi's bachelor party. Now we're talking fun!

  2. No matter what Dance in the the rain...splash in the nearest puddle. Arabesque in the kitchen, get down in the driveway....wherever and your heart's content....feel the heartbeat that is curious yet steadfast. Embrace those you love and give them a big "tszerbit" on the neck....giggle and to the rhythm of joyful feet. Reminisce, reflect and row.....row your boat as best you can. No regrets. Ever! Sending you blessings..........