Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I need you to shove it back

It was my anniversary today. She is such an unbelievable person. If you want loyalty, don't get a dog, marry a farmer's daughter from Northern Michigan. Make sure she's not a drunk, though.

I'm in a lot of pain right now. It's not jack bower pain. It's an ache. It's pretty much all over. My hands feel like really bad arthritis. My head would feel better if if exploded. My midsection still pings with every breath. I have less energy than that Carol Burnett Show character, Speed. Tim Conway reference. My throat hurts.

The throat is the biggest psychological burden. When you were young, you used to get the flu and your throat would getmswollen. Well, mine are swollen beyond that point and it is all the time. My nodes hurt. I'm getting to the bottom of the tank. I used to wake up and tell myself I gotta rally and that would get me going. Now, there is nothing to rally. I was hoping this drug would bring me back and give me some strength to fight the next year. It is instead sucking everything out of me. And I just want to take my little girl to the park. Cancer is robbing me. It's robbing her. It's robbing her kids and her family of some or many purely happy moments. She'll have the crutch of not having her dad. She'll think that in quiet moments. Robbery. It will take a piece of her forever. She's going to be too young to even remember us going to the park.

It would be nice if, one day, hopefully twenty or thirty years later, one of you would be sitting around and thinking about something stupid we did together. And you decide to find one of my kids and maybe even after a long search, you call them and tell them. Twenty years later. Cancer gets robbed then. That bastard disease gets a little shoved back from one of my friends or family. That makes me feel better right now.

5 comments:

  1. Consider it done. One of my favorite memories? The draft pick of the Dallas Cowboys Defense pick. It will forever be in my little brain ... and I'll make sure that story lives on - in your family and mine - for years to come. [I still say that the Auction-format was KING!!!] But I'm not giving up on the hope that you and all of us guys get together again to create more stupid moments for our mental collections. Hang tough my friend.

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  2. I agree with Glenno - hang tough Mike! I researched that drug of yours and it's definitely the one for you to kick this. Still holding onto that PDLI stock these days?!! we're almost back to even (well, almost may be stretching it!)

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  3. When the statute of limitations has passed, I promise that I will sit back with you and all who care to listen and reminisce at length about a trip we took long ago... It remains one of my fondest memories.

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  4. I need you to get better. You told me you liked alleyball and that puts you on a short list. I selfishly need you to get better so you can have a beer with me and tell me how great you thought it was. it's cool with me if you really lay the praise on thick, too. seriously, get better.

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  5. Michael,

    It's been a long time. I blame you since you went a really long time without posting and because I am self-centered and selfish and simply stopped checking your site when we bought a new computer and your site was not part of my bookmarks.

    Somehow we managed to miss each other this baseball season but I hear things from other parents on Conner's team.

    I was going to claim that I was reminded to jump on your site again when I bought tickets for Wisconsin and NIU for this weekend, but in all honesty Mr. Callahan brought it up a few weeks back and I am just now getting around to it. Again, I confess that I am self-centered and selfish. I guess it's also getting harder to respond to your posts as it becomes clear that you're going through things that I cannot fathom. After some thought though I figured why do I have to understand, I can still be the same idiot you have always known and maybe for the few moments it takes to read my idiocy you can become the same idiot you were too.

    My son is now in high school and my coaching career has come to an end. I mean I could still coach teams that my kid isn't playing for, but that seems to make me a really creepy potential pedophile. I am finding that I still have friends outside of the baseball team which is nice considering that I have had little time for these people over the last 4 years. I guess true friends remain true friends regardless of where life takes us.

    Get this, not only am I going to a Wisconsin football game this weekend, but I am also making a sojourn to Madison in October. You are welcome to come along, but in the event you don't, I figured I would at least try to hit those places we would visit in the evenings and drink a toast in remembrance of our misspent college days. I suppose it would only be appropriate that I also drink a toast to little Madison since I will be in the town for which she is named. At that point, it would seem appropritate to drink toasts to Conner and McKenna and Sheri too since from my standpoint they all trace their roots to our time in Madison. Just so we're clear, the toasts will be limite to beers since I am way too old to try to do that many shots without having you and Rossi to carry my ass home at the end of the night.

    I get to be in court tomorrow with some idiot that called my very Italian partner some interesting names after he was informed he was being recorded. The poor sob best be praying tonight that I don't actually have to call my partner as a witness.

    "Mr. Witness, did you have the opportunity to listen in on a conversation with this moron standing to my right and the mother of his child on such and such and date?"

    "I have now idea who was listening to our conversation, it was private."

    "Private? He told you it was being recorded and your resonse was, Good, go ahead and record it douchebag, is that correct?

    Well, I didn't know it was really being recorded and I didn't give my consent."

    Judge: "Too bad, you were informed and yet you not only shot your mouth off but you referred to Mr. Cowden's partner, who by the way is my former boss as a douchebag, pussy etc."

    "Judge, I rest my case"

    Not exactly A Few Good Men, but it should be entertaining.

    I will keep you updated my friend and please forgive me for the long time between posts and for not proof reading this tonight.

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