Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I found another enlarged node

We'll see the doctor tomorrow. But I'm pretty sure it's more cancer. This time, it's in my neck. Now things are really in a precarious position. A node that grows during chemo is a sign that chemo is not beating the cancer. I may not be able to move on to getting a stem cell transplant because, quite simply, it just wouldn't work. Docs wouldn't even consider it. And even if they did, my chances would be very remote to even survive the ordeal. I almost have to decide whether it's worth doing or am I better off trying something else. I don't know what these options are right now. We'll talk to the doctor. Sherri leaves for Chicago and the kids on Friday. Good thing. I feel bad that I'm a complete mess around her. My mind is willing. My body has other designs. 

1 comment:

  1. Michael,
    You are the strongest and most resilient man that I know and I should know a Strong Man when I see one. I was the freshman football player / punching-bag at Lake Forest College who had the delight of going up against a teammate in practice every day who was 6' 5" and weighed 310 lbs. He swatted me around pretty good all year in practice but he doesn't hold a candle to you. You have 10 times the strength that he had and more. You battle daily with a monster that is sneaky, unrelenting, and just plain evil. I remember having to suit-up for daily practice in order to "sharpen" old # 77s skills for game day. Now in retrospect the pounding that I withstood day in and day out only made me stronger. Stronger physically and more importantly stronger mentally. I kept lining up on the other side of the ball and he did the same. The snap of the ball would bring new opportunities for bruises and pain. I persevered knowing that the big SOB across from me could not win every down. It turned into a sadistic game. The harder I fought on the line of scrimmage sometimes (rarely) beating my foe, the harder he would come at me with vengeance. You are my hero for fighting the bastard Cancer and reminding me that deep down in the safest of places in our souls that the will to survive and experience the daily joys of life is the most important of endeavors. I applaud you for getting in your stance on the line everyday and blasting across it with all that you have. The strong man is not necessarily the one that can lift the most weight. The true STRONG MAN is the man who perseveres when his opponent is unrelenting. Hey Michael, on a lighter note. You could always spit in his eye, knee him in the balls and say FUCK YOU! as you are buzzing by him into the backfield.