It's true from what Todd had said. I had the pleasure of seeing our two kids play baseball together. It's actually very strange to come so far. I met Todd in college our freshman years. Who would think that we'd be so old and normal and watching our own kids play ball against each other. Todd's boy got a hit off Conner. Even though he did, it was an enjoyable and fascinating moment. Conner didn't know until after the game. I didn't want to make him too nervous.
I go in for more tests in a couple of weeks. From what I can feel, the nodes on my left neck are fusing together. They're small individually but together they form a pretty big lump. A "bulky mass" is starting. I'm not sure what the doc will do. You can see them sticking out of my neck now. I try to wear shirts that cover it up. I don't want the kids staring at it.
My hair keeps falling out. I'm sick of hats but I really have no choice since the hair is coming out unevenly. I refuse to shave it all off. This is the last I'll probably ever see of my hair so I'd like to keep it around for as long as possible. Even if it is covered by a hat.
I'm really enjoying the days here and hating the nights. I wake up late morning, see Maddie, take about an hour to get used to the world and the weirdness of my body and then get on with it. Usually, Sherri and I do something around the house. Lots of mulch is involved. At night, I have to take the pills and I don't feel too good. Toward the end of the night and into the morning, such as now, it's pretty ugly in my head.
Tonight I made the mistake of feeling the nodes on my left side. If I don't feel around, I'm okay because I pretend to just have a disease. When I feel around the disease becomes more menacing. I rarely feel around but tonight I did. It's actually a little difficult not feeling it. When I take a shower I just don't wash that part. If there's an itch, I pull on my shirt. I don't even shave in that direction.
I haven't posted here because quite frankly, nothing new has gone on. But I did really enjoy seeing Todd and wanted to write about it. Sometimes you can spot milestones in your life even while they happen. Most of the time, you probably don't appreciate it for what it is. But then I really did. I have three kids and all are great. They have their own personalities and are good people. A couple of weeks ago, I got to see a friend of mine with his own kid and I can see how we all pass it on. Todd is a really ice person who will do so much for a friend. His son recognized me even though he hadn't seen me in eight years or so. Amazing.
When I was younger, probably as a freshman in college, I thought life was about so much more. I wanted to change so much. But now I'm okay with changing my world and making my world better. No one person changes the world. Nobody changes a lot. But a lot of people change a little. And then they pass it on.