Wednesday, November 18, 2009
night notes
Up late. Collarbone is sore again today. Worried that the new treatment won't work. If it doesn't, I'm up the creek. Odds aren't with me. Studies aren't with me. Need to go to bed and forget. Love sleep. I wish this wasn't happening to me. Chest pains are back. No itching or night sweats. Miss worrying about something stupid. Still mad at God. Not speaking to Him anymore. Still haven't told kids. Conner is catching on. Hate me for inflicting so much pain. Wish wife would have met someone else so she could grow old with someone together. Look worse today. Disease keeping hair from growing. Look like Patrick Swazie, not the dancer or bouncer but the guy in People mag who had cancer. Now groin and leg hurt constantly. Growing there too. Waiting. Hope Kate Levin's okay. Wonder. Wish I could be happy. Can't enjoy happy moments. Love my new baby. She smiles a lot. Hope McKenna dances when I'm gone. Not sleepy but tired.
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Michael.....God will not abandon you...
ReplyDelete"What is hope? The beauteous sun,
Which colors all it shines upon!
The beacon of life's dreary sea,
The star of immortality!
Fountain of feeling, young and warm,
A day-beam bursting through the storm!
A tune of melody, whose birth
Is, oh, too sweet, too pure for earth!
A blossom of that radiant tree
Whose fruit the angels only see!
A beauty and a charm, whose power
Is seen, enjoyed, confessed each hour!
A picture of that world to come,
When earth and ocean meet
The last overwhelming doom!"
I want to say something funny to make you laugh and forget the pain...to help relieve the stress & anger welling up inside of you...some insight to give you hope....words of encouragement to help lighten the burden. At times you must be alone with yourself to search for clarity...relinquish yourself to the serenity that moves ever closer. So many are prepared to help...you are blessed with many Angels...reach out and we will take your hand!
Always in my prayers.....
Di