Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Somewhere I'm in there

This is me now. It took awhile to get the best pose and best lighting. It was the best I could do. For a long time I was very sad that I've gone from a 43 year old man to a 73 year old man.But now I understand that it is still me. I always wonder if complete strangers know just by looking at me. Not that it's a good or bad thing. Quite honestly, I usually wonder right after a stranger was nice to me. As if they're being nice because they're taking pity. Once again, not a bad thing. I just wonder. I rarely take pictures any more. I don't want people to remember me this way. Sherri once talked me into taking a picture with Maddie because I don't have anything with us together. I did. Boy, do I look terrible in it. I tried to smile. 

"She will suffer the needle chill. She's running to stand still." Bono, of course.


  1. Who would have thought you would become vain in your 40's? Careful there, David Geffen or Carly Simon will write a song about you.

    As I recall, back when we were young and pretty, you never cared about being being pretty. So what gives now? We all got old and look like shit compared to the younger version of ourselves. No big deal. Hell, you still have more hair then Glenn.

    But enough about you. It's story time. My 13 year old decided this Halloween should be spent in mischief and that trick or treating is for little kids. To his credit, there were no plans to scare little kids, steal candy or do property damage. Instead, they planned to hunt out kids their age or older and either try to scare them, cover them in silly string or otherwise inflict some harmless bit of treachery upon them. By all accounts, things were going well in that he had not been arrested, no pissed off parents had shown up at my door and I was at the neighbors' drinking beers when my wife got the call. The call was from my 13 year old who was at home alone at 9:00 and was afraid because some car had been slowly tracking he and his friends. We rushed home only to find out it was the older brother of one of his friends tormenting them for Halloween kicks.

    So I have a new client. She needs an order of protection against her live-in boyfriend who called her every name in the book, hit her up side her head with an open hand and was otherwise a total jackass. While these are all completely unacceptable actions, I had to ask what would possibly provoke such behavior. While she couldn't understand what he was mad about, she did mention that she had been humping his cousin who had just gotten out of prison and that in a fit of guilt she confessed to him about it. Tact is not always my strong point, but I calmly asked her if she thought that maybe, possibly the fact that she was fucking his convicted felon of a cousin in his house that maybe the guy was justifiably a little pissed. I get the answer to that question later this week. Yea.

    Here was a fun chore I had tonight. The dog came in from outside and immediately sat on the kitchen floor and started scooting on his ass. This left a nice trail of shit. I picked him up and threw him in the laundry tub before he made a more disgusting mess. Turns out, his fur was too long and the shit was sticking to it. So there I was at 43 years old, cutting the dingleberries off my dog's asshole. Humbling and disgusting moment. I then topped off the night by completely emasculating myself and coloring my wife's hair. She had to cut my hair and so she said it was an eye for eye. Somehow I think my balls were included in the deal.

    Hang in there. I plan on seeing you and the family for baseball come spring.

  2. Yes, it is true, you still have much more hair than I do. You're still better looking than me but nobody except a few girls in the Niagara Falls area will care about that. I'm guessing Todd wins the Salt-n-Pepper Award but I'm a close second. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in Todd's kitchen to hear his choice words while he cleaned up the crap.

    Smile when you can and know you're always in our thoughts. Hang in there buddy. How 'bout dem Cowboys!